Sitting in my cousin's bathroom over seven years ago now, I looked at that little dipstick and immediately felt shame, confusion and pure fear at the fact that I had just become a statistic...a Baby Mama. Fortunately, at the age of 30ish, I was able to get over it and approach my pregnancy and motherhood as a grown woman. But, I wasn't alone. There was a man involved...a man who I had just days earlier told that I wasn't ready for an exclusive relationship and who had told me the same; a man to whom I was not committed and who was not committed to me. He was now a Baby Daddy.
I'm blogging because, I am proud of us. I am proud of me, and I am proud of him. On the day I told him over the phone from across the country that he was about to be a father, we both committed to nothing else but building a friendship and a parenting partnership that would allow us to raise our child to the best of our ability with the least amount of drama. And, a six-year-old son and three years after our break-up later, through challenges, disagreements, can't-stand-you-don't-want-to-even-look-at-you-ever-again arguments, we are still here...friends and co-parents getting better every year.
I am blogging because, when we look around us, we don't see many other co-parents who share the type of relationship we have. We haven't figured it all out. We are both still experts at pushing one another's buttons. And, as you read in my first post, we have our own brand of drama every now and then. But, what we have found...have claimed...is that we are Family. Through our incredible son, we have become Family. That means that when it gets tough; when we don't want to deal with the drama; when it feels like we can't resolve some conflict, we keep trying. We will not walk away from the original commitment we made to one another.
It's challenging, of course. There are days when it seems like it might be easier to just walk away, not deal with one another. But, there are more days when we laugh about something our son has said, beam together about his latest accomplishment, and frankly, pat ourselves on the back about what we have built together as parents.
I'm blogging as a way to try to get better at this; to find or stimulate the discussions and sharing that will get us there. And, I'm blogging to spread the word to other Baby Mamas and Baby Daddys that it really is possible to parent together...perhaps imperfectly...but together. And, it is necessary for the sake of our children.
So, I'm blogging to say that even though we are Mothers and Fathers who are not together romantically, we can be family...and we must, for our children. All the statistics...which I'll detail in another post...tell the story of the advantages that children enjoy when both their parents are actively involved in parenting. And, the advantages are even greater when they are actually partnering in that process. The flip side, of course, is that when we don't sort through the drama, when we give up on the possibility, our children suffer emotionally, financially, educationally.
I'm blogging, because this is important, and I want us to embrace these new Families we have created through whatever circumstances. I believe in our potential to do better for our children and for ourselves. And, I believe that there are other Mothers and Fathers trying to figure this out, too.
My Baby Daddy and me? We are Family. Our son made it so. We will not walk away from this, because if we do, on some level, we are walking away from him.
Thanks for joining me on this journey.
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